Does It Seem to Offend or Bother People If Your Curls Aren't 'Forever Poppin'?

Has anyone else had this experience of hearing others 'suggesting' that they put some 'curls' in their natural?

I have gotten the impression that some naturals cannot leave the house without 'curls poppin' on their heads.  And lately I got a comment suggesting that I 'put some curls' in my twa. 
It's like people - surprisingly most of whom are other naturals, are bothered or offended by those naturals not choosing to make 'forever poppin curls' their everyday look. They feel inclined to point out tips for getting our curls to 'pop' like somehow the state of hair which does not have 'poppin' curls is compromised, broken or unhealthy.  And often, they make these suggestions with the most innocent expectation that we should react with disbelief or shame once they point it out, the way we would tell someone with weave that their tracks are showing and expect them to run for cover.  (Why does this visual make me giggle?)

By the way and to my naturals out there, 'poppin curls' is not an indication of anything but what it is.  Healthy hair comes in all forms and as long as you have inspected your strands and scalp and determined your hair is healthy,  turn a blind eye to (or like me, just roll your eyes and suck your teeth at) the ignorance.

Anyway, my real reason for bringing this observation to you, Curlies, is that it has caused me to wonder if we, naturals, managed to escape the relaxer box only to put ourselves into the silky curls box.

Many naturals I have encountered talk about the 'liberating' experience of no longer being a slave to relaxers and weaves and that for them the natural journey is one of 'self-acceptance.'  Yet I have observed that, for some of these same naturals, appearing in public when every strand of hair is not in place (dutifuly moistened, and perfectly curled) is a sacrilege to all that is pure and holy about being natural.
I could be afraid to leave the house unless each curl glistened with perfect concentric determination but guess what?  I don't choose to.  And for no other reason than because I don't care to.  I didn't go through the process of chopping off my relaxed hair and ending my reliance on relaxers, where I didn't want to leave the house until every strand lay smooth, silky and shiny, only to come to another prison.
I love my hair just the way it is and if it bothers others or offends someone that I am ok going about with my head of hair as its naturally inclined to be, then I can only be sympathetic to their sadly narrow-minded view of things.

I think its kind of whack that we should take ourselves out of one box to put ourselves into another and this is what affirms for me that it IS just hair.  Because it's not about the hair.  It's never really about the hair.  Its about the refusal to widen our spectrum of what is beautiful.  It is about our fear of not being good enough, cute enough, pretty enough according to others.

We are still eating all that society throws on the ground at us, when it lets us know the singular aesthetic is the eurocentric idea of beauty.  We say we are not but our goal is always to look as close to that as possible and in the natural world, how closer can we get that defined, silky-looking curls?  "If only I could get my curls bigger and more defined?"  "Why don't my curls pop?"  "I wish I were a type 3 like you, your texture is so pretty."

Don't you think its old and sad and tired that we can't let go; can't stop eating the poison even when we pretend we are 'liberated' from it?
Anyway, to answer the question of the person who asked why I don't get some curls in my hair:  Because I think I look quite perfect with it just the way it is.  Thanks.


ChoQolate ChiQ BKA QD! said...


Xhalted1 said...

It's pointless to ask questions about why I do something for myself. When people who have natural hair do this it just means they still don't have the strength or the guts to go into public with their natural hair. But I wasn't born with a relaxer or silky curly hair. My hair is coarse, thick and tightly coiled and I don't fight with Rahra(nickname for my hair) I just let her be.

DM said...

@Xhalted1 - lol! that name you gave your hair just had me cracking up.

coconut and cream said...

wow, well said!