Warning: This Post is NOT About Hair! But You May Still Learn Something *giggles*

Hi Y'all
So I just read a pretty thought-provoking post from bglhonline one of my fav natural hair sites and what better place to expound on my thoughts in response, than on here. For the few of you who read this, I humbly appreciate it and definitely welcome your thoughts on the matter.
The post was a response to Jill Scott's article in Essence magazine Jill Scott Talks Interracial where Jill Scott comments on the feeling or 'wince' she gets when she hears her Black male friend is married to a White woman and her idea as to why she gets this feeling with some details about the effect of the history of the relationship between Black men and Women and some references to the African diaspora in general.
Well I felt compelled (and did) leave a painfully long comment in response (bglh if you happen upon this post, please accept my apologies for clouding your post space with such a long post - its just that I had alot to say).
Anyway, in case its not posted there, which I wouldn't fault her for due to its length, here was my response:

I don't know why but I have yet to feel this 'wince' when I hear a Black man is with a White woman. Maybe its because I'm Jamaican but I lived there only the first 10 years of my life and then I moved to the States. I think one feels the 'wince' when someone in the only pool your are looking to, chooses outside your pool.

For example, let's imagine a room where there are clusters of people rounded up into groups and each are on a quest to find a partner. You are in group A and somehow have convinced yourself (or been told) that the only pool from which you can, will, or want to find your partner is group B (although there are groups C-Z in the room). You also understand that for whatever reason (maybe because group B shares some history with you) group B should be most inclined to choose a partner from your group, group A.
 Then you look and suddenly see members of group B moving away from the group to select their partners from groups C-Z. You see that group dwindling as the members find their partners but your group A is still fairly large (though some may have managed to find their partners in group B and a few have also gone off to find partners in groups C-Z).

I would feel the pinch, the 'wince', the sting if not panic all together.

 I mean does this mean I will not have much to select from? And it would hurt even more if the members of group B I see straggling off to find their partners in groups C-Z were what I thought of as compatible matches for me. I would have several options:
1. Resolve to go it alone.
Or
2. Crumple up and disgard my belief that my partner can or will only come from group B and start looking at the other groups.
If I definitely don't want anyone in the other groups then I will just have to take the risk I may never find what I want, or settle my expectations of what I want so someone still in group B who I may not have been willing to consider before, becomes a viable option for me.
Basically, I will have to think outside the box. This is what I would do.....but then again, I have never been an 'inside the box' thinker in general.
I love Black men, especially ones from the Caribbean who share my love for ackee and saltfish and can play dominos and do the latest Jamaican dance and understand when I speak patois. I dreamed of marrying a man like that. But then I met someone who loves me to no end. I did my big chop and he was telling me how beautiful my kinky hair is, showing me the curls here and there and you guessed it - he's not in group B.

 Damn he even helps me mix my homemade concoctions for my hair. And never fails to bring me an avocado when we run out without my asking just because he knows I use it in my hair.
I'm not married yet so who knows who I'll end up with but for now, I'm happy. I think we have to abandon whatever has made us think we can only find love - we should, or will, only find love in group B and look around us...all 360 degrees.

So that was my comment.

I know the dating thing is way more complicated than this. And I see where Jill Scott is coming from because the complex and emotionally charged history of the relationship between the Black man and the Black woman does have alot to do with how some Blacks may feel about interracial relationships -  And I didn't even touch on how much more of a sting it is if the relationship between the members of 'group A and B' with 'groups C-Z' was historically plagued with negativity, hostility and other bad '...ity's  :)
In any case, what are your thoughts on this topic?

Dating and Natural Hair

I found this article courtesy of Leave In The Kinks blog site by someone named Alycia(?). I found it so enlightening, I wanted to share.
I have had my own concerns about the impact that going natural would have on my dating life. Mostly because my sister, whom I was on this journey with together to grow out our hairs and then do the Big Chop, chickened out of doing the big chop due to this very concern.
Anyway, here is the article:

Just the Way You Are

A while ago, I was reading one of the posts on this site, “Hair-A Man’s Perspective.” It brought up the much-debated question about whether men are attracted to women with natural hair. After reading that post, I reflected on my earlier thoughts about guys and natural hair.



I remember the anxiety that I had when I was transitioning. I grew up associating long, straight hair with beauty. In movies and on television, the women with the willowy, flowing hair were the ones who always got the man, not the girl with the naps. As the date for my planned big chop grew near, my apprehension increased. With one snip of the scissors, would I be killing my dating life in one fell swoop?



Throwing caution to the wind, I cut my long hair anyway, and gasp!…my social life was not destroyed. In fact, my little kinky afro became the center of attention. The men I encountered showered me with compliments and lauded me for my uniqueness. Five years later, I’m still proudly wearing my natural hair. I now have a wonderful husband who said that one of the first things he noticed about me was my hair.



I know other women who have faced the same anxiousness that I did when deciding to go natural. To satisfy my curiosity and ease their concerns, I decided to do an (unscientific) survey of men to get their thoughts on Black women and natural hair. Here is what they told me:





“There's something about the attitude of a natural-haired woman that is magnetic.”



“I appreciate someone who is courageous enough to show the world who they really are—including wearing the hair they were born with.”



“Women with natural hair are truly comfortable in their own skin.”



“Natural hair on a woman maintains the beauty and integrity of our heritage.”



“I love natural hair on a woman because it is an indelible part of her.”



Men are not attracted to women with natural hair? That is a myth! As all of us wavy, curly, kinky, nappy ladies know, real men honor and appreciate every part of us. They love us just the way we are.